My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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