Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
