Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I checked into jail on foursquare
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
