before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
