You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
