im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
