Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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