wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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