I CAN MOONWALK!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
