Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
