I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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