I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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