omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
