You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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