his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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