Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bring me that man meat
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
