my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
