Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
