is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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