My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The maid of honor just puked.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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