I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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