I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
