so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
