I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
