I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and she was petting her beer can
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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