I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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