The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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