I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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