even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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