Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
