My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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