Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
