nut hugger
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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