He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
