That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
