No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
