forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
