and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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