oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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