I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
