Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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