I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
