First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
