He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.