Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool