I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you pee in the oven last night??