you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
