I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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