I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
