It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
