Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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