i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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