So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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