I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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