Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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