Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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