if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
