you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
