Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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