It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
