I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
