I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
